differing views....
of course that is acceptable. but... doesn't mean ....
trying to figure things out.
insomniac traits this week. drop in productivity.
distractions.
i have to get my focus back.
woman of science.
okay. i say nothing. i work. i'll stay home this weekend. i will do amazing on my midterm on monday. i will prepare for chem, study a shit ton of latin.... and sleep and clean. i will talk to my advisor on monday.
i have to get this anxiety under control. it is insane. it is holding me back.
i have thought processes that are unhealthy and irrational and i make definitions of myself that are not true.
but at least i am aware of it.
why do people focus on sex so much??
or why do i focus on sex so little??
i have no shame in saving myself for the right people.
i have no shame in being me, in being weird, in doing things that i know by the end of the day were true to myself.
being true to yourself is very difficult and very natural.
i do not waste my time.
(yes i do, i'm doing it now)
i try to not waste my time with people.
so, if you've been in my life in a significant way, then bravo, you meant something.
meeting people that could potentially mean something is a challenge. i think the hardest part is making sure that i know that i mean something. and what it is that i mean....
i am 21 years old, is that too old to not quite know who you are yet?
yes, when i smoke pot, i find myself saying to myself.... i do not understand anything. i do not know who i am. i do not understand life. i do not understand people.
What the hell.... how can i ever make it anywhere if i don't have at least those basics?
these mood disturbances are really setting me back and i am in an environment of intellectuals and very successful people.... i am slow to warm up... i got to get my shit together if i plan on being any one that i like well enough to allow someone else to like me.
i wish i was studying something that required more reading of literature. i love science but this premed route is depressing.... designed to rip you apart. i want to come out on the top.......... i have to overcome these irrationalities first
2:18 p.m. - 2011-03-24
Recent entries:
First cold front of the season - 2014-09-13
Luke Ian Glass - 2013-11-07
The Blind Tiger - 2013-02-23
Thanks Dad. - 2012-04-13
i keep myself from many things, but i think you are the greatest of them all. - 2011-09-06
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